A Life Update: Heartbreak and Life's Invitation to Grow


I’ve never been one to write about relationships. 

Careers, creativity and personal growth, yes.

But not relationships.

Having been in a relationship for the past four and a half years, I’ve never felt the need to. My relationship was a safe haven of sorts — a place I retreated to after the work and writing was done. 

This week, however, my relationship came to an end. And there’s no hiding from it: I am devastated. 

I want to dance to Lemonade and sing ‘I ain't sorry’ over and over again, but I'm so far from that yet. 

Instead, I am in mourning. I am mourning the life we had made. I am mourning my partner, my boyfriend, my roommate, my best friend. 

I am left wondering when the sobbing in supermarket aisles will stop. When the silence of my now-empty apartment will stop terrifying me. When every turn, every corner, will stop feeling like a museum of him and what we once had. 

Now, instead of goodnight hugs and kisses, I have to put myself to bed. Instead of Sunday morning traditions, I have to create my own. Instead of being simply, seamlessly part of a two, I have to embrace life as me. Just me. And that being enough. Because it is. I have to walk into an empty home and not let the silence terrify me. I have to get comfortable with the silence. I have to look my fear in the eye and say: I see you, I feel you, but I am not you.

And then there’s the other side — the side that, in my weakest moments, gives me hope.

The middle-of-the-night drives. The home-cooked meals. The small acts that say, in their own way, “I love you, I care”. That tea and biscuit kind of love. That watching TV together kind of love. That "good morning, how are you doing?" message kind of love. My family and friends have rallied around me and are propping me up. I am not alone. We are never truly alone. 

In writing this, I hope I can give you some hope, too. No matter when or what caused your heartbreak. 

Heartbreak like this, particularly at a time when we want to be with people we love (hi, New Year) requires a lot of strength.

As a dear friend said:

Life is inviting you to grow and growth hurts.

Suffer, live the loss, and know that loss is part of life. 

Give yourself a chance to discover yourself stronger, more mature, more loving to life and those around you.

When someone or something makes us suffer, the most important thing is what we do with our suffering. Will you destroy yourself even more, or will you grow? It depends on you, not the suffering.

Your destiny is to shine.

Your destiny is to love and be loved.

Do not doubt it. 

Bianca Bass