Break Up With Your Ego


“Who are you, really, separate from your ego?”


That’s the question a friend asked me over dinner last week. 


After an evening spent swapping stories, we found ourselves talking about this self love thing. 


“It sounds wanky, but I’m just trying to figure out how to love myself through my own heart, you know?” I mused. 


She paused and gave me a knowing smile. 


You can’t begin loving yourself,” she continued, “UNTIL you learn who you are separate from your ego.


Intrigued, I arrived home that night and started reading up everything I could on ‘ego’. And read I did. I read Eckhart Tolle. Watched Oprah. Referenced Rumi. What I concluded is this:


We all have egos, right? You, me, Kanye, Mother Theresa. All of us.


However, egotism isn’t about showing off. No. Ego is bigger than that. Bolder than that. More impactful than that. 


Whenever you identify with something that isn’t yourself — be it material possessions, social status, career goals, achievements, romantic love — that, says Eckhart Tolle, is your ego.


Our egos hold us back. They blur our vision. They distort our reality. They cloud our better judgement and install unnecessary fear. Those thoughts that tell you you’re not good enough? Ego! Those damaging belief systems about who you are? E-GO. 


The more I read, the more I realised: 


I’ve spent years making decisions which, in hindsight, were driven by ego. Career moves, material purchases, romantic conquests and everything in-between.


My ego has been in the driving seat for the entirety of my adult life. 


But if you want a truly content, evolved, fulfilled life? You’ve got to get your ego in check. You’ve got to unearth the place where only you reside. Not your ego. Not societal expectations. You. Only you. 


The depth of your mind is the essence of you. 


The surface of your mind is your ego, basically. 


So, where to begin on this game-changing journey? Here are a few questions I’ve started asking myself that help. Consider them your daily check-in. Try them! See what answers come back! 


  • Is this my actual innermost desire or my ego talking?
  • Is this genuine sadness or a bruised ego?
  • Is this fear mine or my ego’s? 


Allow your decisions to be driven by soul, not ego. Ensure your heartache is actual, not ego. Allow your soul to remove itself from each outcome. Let go. Let go of your ego.


There’s a difference between your true self and your ego-driven self.


Isn’t it time you got to know the former?

Bianca Bass